I want u back

I was foolish.
I was dumb.
I fought.
I lost.
I tried getting over it.
I thought i did.

Well, apparently, I'm in love again.

I'm smart now.
I know who i love.
I cherish who i love.
I cherish who I've lost even more.
I talk to myself.
I talked to my friends.
I talked to my grandparents.
I talked to the Gods.
Telling them i know who i love now.

I said,
Now i know i love her this much.
Now i know she means so much.
Now i know i can't forget her.
Now i know she is important.

I said,
If he did not came, we would have still been together.

They said,
If he did not came, i would had never treasured.
If he did not came, i would had never learned.
If he did not came, i would had never grown.

Now i said,
I've treasured since the break-up.
I've learned since the break-up.
I've grown since the break-up.
and now,
I want her back.

I love her
I treasure her.
and if
she love me and treasure me.
I know one day.
sooner or later,
we'll be walking together.
hand-in-hand
to complete the path
that we once neglected.
and to complete the path
we wished we were still on.

I love u still and u do know that.
I am going all out to tell the world.
I love u dearly and want u back.

So if u are reading this now.
I want you to know how i feel.
U are no ordinary girl
and u are no such a girl.

U are the girl that really made me fall in love.
U are the girl i want.

Without you,
nothing good feels as good.
This time, LYR, i really want u back.
Back with me, and never leave.

Open ur heart.

In severe lack of sleep now which actually is a good chance for me to finally tune my biological time back in tune with singapore. LOLS...
hehe..
Had listen to advice and opinions these few days, made people angry and made people feel for me. Nonetheless, want to apologise for doing all these things that made all of u worry, or see a side of me that u did not see before. Nonetheless, i have made up my mind and go for what i want to do most. If u are really with me, wish me luck please. I love all of u.. Thx.

A song so way back into time.
A song that totally explains how i feel.
A song which lyrics speaks for my heart.
A song which i wanna dedicate to you.

Open *YR* Heart
Westlife

I didn't mean to let you down
You have to believe it
I don't know what went through my mind
But now I can see

That I waited too long
To tell you how much it matters
Just to be right here with you
But I couldn't think of anything better
I should have told you so

Baby open your heart
Won't you give me a second chance
And i'll be here forever
Open your heart
Let me show you how much I care
And I will make you understand
If you open your heart
To love me once again

I'll try to make it up to you
I want you to know
Baby I swear that I'll be true
And never let go
If I waited too long
To tell you how much it matters
Just to be right here with you
But I couldn't think of anything better
I should have told you so

Baby open your heart
Won't you give me a second chance
And i'll be here forever
Open your heart
Let me show you how much I care
And I will make you understand
If you open your heart
To love me once again

We could relive this pain and sorrow
But we better do it in time
Start over here and save tomorrow
I wanna make you mine

Open your heart with a chance
And I'll be here forever
Open your heart and I'll care
And I will make you understand
Oh baby,
If you open your heart
To love me once again

Baby open your heart
Won't you give me a second chance
And I'll be here forever
Open your heart
Let me show you how much I care
And I will make you understand
If you open your heart
To love me once again


This is really a song that speaks out all that i feel inside.
Cant help to hope for u to open ur heart once again.
I've known i was lost and naive in the past.
But i just hope i do get another chance to show u my heart again.



(/Updated)

Aside from this song that i so wanna let her listen. i so wanna thank the following for making my birthday present with their effort and the personal messages from each of them. thx alot for the present. the only problem is..... i dunno where to keep it!!!! lols, guess i'll have to keep it in my heart liao lor.. lols... thx alot guys.

and now for the mushy, sweet and girlish present!!!! (but i like it. =x)

My box of ZARA~

My loves~

Am i cute or gay?(i'll go for cute.=x)

The hearts!!!

Alright, so all these lovely friends of mine, wrote their personal message on how they feel bout me and so on, to further save the trouble of me unfolding the hearts and read these personal message, im gonna write it here and share it with u guys!!! haha...

Timothy - my beloved dota pro.

Eye Candy 1 & 2 sioz. My one more pretty la. lol.
Next time must share more eye candy ah!
(sorry ah, im a changed man. =x lols...)

Dota Pro!!! Next time jio me more leh Lol!!!
You so lihai, potm pro leh,
we shall continue to play dota until one of us quit!
(hah, if im a dota pro, U're a dota god. =x)

Happy 19th birthday once again.
This is all for your belated pressie =x
(thank u so much!!!)

Next time at foodcourt 6
don't just eat western with extra bun or
"huan na jia"(/note, malay food in hokkien) LMAO!
Eat others!
(kkz, i'll try. BULKING!!!!)

So fast 2 years past le!!
thnx for being the joker
and the fun bringer in our clique!
One last year to go...
Ya La Ya La. =x
(come on lor, we have more years to go as friends k..)

Hey devoted guy,
hope u can find the one true love nah,
the one & only for u the! =)
so that you can be devoted to her!
(Finally, im being called devoted by u. lols. as for the true love, i really hope i have found it. ^^)

Edsmond - My beloved bitching partner.

When are you gonna show us
perfect and professional magic,
potential magician? lol.
你爸爸, 你妈妈! Lol.
(the day u stop being a bitch, is the day i show u perfect magic. =x. which in short means never in this life.)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
It's better to be late than never. lol.
If you open this last, then you're lucky.
If not, you'll be unlucky for the year.
Well, not really. XD
(this supports the point above, why i'll nvr be a perfect magician. BYATCH~ xD)

If you need English songs, get it from me. LOL!
Listen to more mordern songs!
New ones!
Haha! Next time you go K can sing a wider variety ah! lol.
(hah, now u see a pirated professional in the making. LOLs. jus joking. he got all his songs from Itunes. ^^ okay, u caught me, i lied. sobx)

Soccer Soccer Soccer!
But really, it's a little more difficult
now everyone is busy with their own thing.
lol. well take it my team rocks more then!
(hah, pray hard my team dun see this comment on my blog. If not, u're so dead +_+)

Seriously, it's been proven
that lazy people are more creative?
Are you..? Mhmm.
Lol. Continue to be, it is,
we need your creativity for our project!
(Ha, ha, ha. *sacastic laughter*. thx alot for the praise. LOLs.)

Well, for once, MAN U rocks kay?
lol. I trust Arsneal to stay in Champions League :p
(for the record, they rock since the start of time. lols. and may arsneal stay in champions league too. LOls.)

Reyern - My Fit Fit buddy.

When are you gonna get a "real" girlfriend? Har?
Don't always play with girls' heart liao, so call committed guy.
If you want your bro can help u find one de leh..
Don't need to thx, you are always welcome. >_<
(Obviously, Timo knows me better when it comes to love. Im devoted u ass.. lols.)

When are you not gonna be last min king bro?
time to chiong liao ok?
must try na.. work hard for your results..
Last minute don't always work you see..
Best wishes to you
学业进步
(U say until my results very jialat lik tt, ok ok mah.)

Girlfriend also never fold heart liao, still fold heart for you...
A GUY!! WTF?! Folding hears for you abit not right, or maybe is right na...
Becasue you are my 'lover' ma..
Always wrestling na, who to blame? *loves*
(u better pray hard ur girlfriend does not have link to my blog, or i'll be dead. lols.)

白白滑滑,相干 very good... You sure bo?
faster go gym na. Really need a gym buddy urgently.
Just kallang gym not good enough.. too far for me too..
train with me best.. fast progress...
(see, going national bodybuilding competiton hao lian liao lor.. LOLs... i'll try k?)

Hey bro, kinda late but still happy 19th birthday to you.
Known you more than 2 years liao, always talk cock only,
never serious but wat to do?
we are buddy byddy since cruise ship that time
是不是? So just accept it na.. Haha..
(ya la ya la, cruise ship la. rem? OUR TOP 5!!! lols...)

Even though we are not close as your secondary friends na..
but still hope we are somewhere nearby..
And not everything your secondary friends ok?
we are also important too alright..
Everytime your friends go out you very steady
but we ask you alot of excuses.
(Wat to do? this is life mah... lols, no la, u guys are impt too.. LOLS.. now bu shi keep outing wif u all le lor. dunno which CB never come for movie night. *thinks* that fucker...)

Priscilla - My silent guardian who cares.

Hey, Besides my boyfriend,
you are the 1st other guy to receive my 'LOVE' orh..
(on the fish)..
Haha, must keep it properly k?
(hah, pls, yun guang dun read my blog!!! im not in love with priscilla!!! but i think she is with me=x lols, joking!!)

Haha.. You are the 1st guy I know
(excluding Darren & Kuan Huai)
among the guyz orh..
The 1st brave 1 to come to
mingle with the "Bitches".. HaHa..
(let me get this straight. weren't u the one to come mingle wif me cause i was handsome? lols!! joking joking.. chill chill)

When with you alone, like in a train or Bus,
you become more like a counsellor than a joker.. =x
Quite like it.. HaHa.. More Quiet..
But smmtimes a little too quiet..
(maybe you tired ba.. HaHa)
(my counselling rates starts from SGD1.50/min. ^^v. come to me whenever u like. LOLS.)

HaHa... got once at fern house,
i roll until like one ball like that..
Then you throw me your jacket..
THOUGH is THROW, still very nice of you larz..
HaHa.. THANKZ...
(somehow i feel weird with you writing this.. is it a love hint? lols...)

OMG! When i jus get to know you
(probably less than a week?)
Me, You & Darren go repair our com..
Then you start telling me
"You cannot despise your bf if he watches Porn..
Cuz all guyz does that!"
What an impression man!
(hmmm did i say that? alright, i did.. =x)

HEY TAN JIAN!!!
Are you a Closet Mugger?
Y your results so good?!
Why Why WHY!!!
HaHa=P
(now im confused, u say my results good, reyern say mine lousy? so who's right? lols... and btw, u forget my AN.)

The PPT you made for your Ex-GF.. HaHa..
Made me cry ok.. Not bad orh..
So lang man.. HaHa..
I still say"if som1 make this for me, I sure won't want to break de.."
If i see now mah~ hmmm..
(lols, thanks for praising but, its over le.. lols, now jus hope -unoewho- noe my feelings jiu hao.)

Fernie - My Girl (space) friend hall-of-fame

Just wanna wish you a very happy Nineteenth birthday my dear!
I hope you like this present..
A silly idea of mine =x
None of us have done this for anyone before, I believe?
All these hearts show how much we LOVE you =D
Note: there are 119 hearts. 19yo (but 19 hearts = pathetic so we + 100 =P)
Thank you for being a part of my life and forming the bulk of my mens in Poly life =)
The past two years would not have been as amazing if it weren't for your presence!
You're really blessed with this natural ability to bring a smile
to anyone's face almost anytime, yknw?
So continue to spread your warmth okay! Stay Joyous =)=)=)
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE *hugs*
(ahhhh, firstly thx for the confession but no, i'll have to reject you. ><)

ANNNKLE LOCKKK
Pure Victimization man...
But i must admit it's quite fun though it
can hurt pretty bad at times.
Still, im not afraid, bring it on!!!! =p
(u asked for it, remember!)

Your body clock is almost as screwed up
as mine, whether it is during hols or not.
(just that it;s worse when its holidays)
Haha we need some serious resetting!
(tell me about it, i'm trying so hard man..)

First person i withdrew 1000bux with!
10th Feb'09@3a.m.
It's really rare to find someone who'll do this kinda
mildly crazy stuff/bullshit with me, lmfao ^^
SPONTANEITY RULES & SO DO YOU *loves*
(Do i need you to remind me that i rule? lols.. well ofcourse, u can withdraw it wat. rich girl mah someone.)

NaruHina =)
If i'm not mistaken, i think it's anime which
indirectly brought us closer because you
used to (still do) stay up and watch till
damn late (now not anime, movies bah?)
and i was the only owl online to acc you!
(hah, im not sure if its anime but im sure that its virtual reality that kinda kickstart our friendship. Horays for world wide web!!!)

Okay i know this is damn lame but this is
really deeply etched in my mind x_x
"old ahma blasting umbrella
old ahgong blasting metallica
& punk rocker listening to Fei Yu Qing"
(i'm so looking forward to the rocker part. lols. Public transport! here i come!!)

Remember the piggybank?
Well, i will always remember you for teasing me
about my size (BEBLL)!!!
(well bui eh bui liu liu, u're right, even till now im still teasing.. hehe)

... K la, let you win~~
(ah, this is hard for 3rd parties to understand so, uhhmms, nvm bout this. lols. Its a verbal war btw me and fernie bout condensation in the early morning if u must noe.)

We always end up talking mote than studying -
BUT I LOVE IT =D
P.S. i think you're the person whom i've eaten
the most Macs breakfasts with! LOL.
(well, HUURAY!!! is that considered an achievement? lols..)

"I gave God the high-five!"
Classic joke siaaa xD
Thanks ah....... THANKSXZ
(well the joke was,"fernie is so fat that when i walk over her, i gave God the high-five!"
Get it? good for u.. U mean u dun get it? go and die den. LOLS.. joking read it from the top 10 times and u will get, if not, read it 10 more times.)

You always manage to crack me up,
even when the joke's on me -.-
HAHAHA but still, thanks for being my 开心果(sort of)
(well, i will try my best to play practical jokes on others too k?
well, on the other hand, i doubt it. LOLS.)

Best boy(space)friend:
Thank you for being my confidante
and for treating me as one too!
I'm happy to have met you and treasure
our friendship very very much =)
(well thx for listening to me and supporting me,
even though i piss u off sometimes. LOLS. but who cares?=x)

And Finally, i've come to the end. so many thoughts my friends has, well i bet this jus took over as the longest post i have le bah. lols..
On a last note, Congratulations for those who have reached this point.
By the time u finished this sentence, u have jus read 2,583 words-long post that is written by me.
An Achievement one can't ignore. ^^v

Just for you~

(/Note: Sorry to bore u readers with my emotional post these few days but this blog i have is the only available platform for me to say something i dare without facing her. If u know me, u know i love her. this is a post for her. So pls, spare me a moment of private time i can give with her here.)

I wonder if u might be reading this.
but i have to take a chance.


This Picture of Mickey and Minnie might no longer mean much.
but deep down inside
the feeling of giving u support
like the Mickey and Minnie is so real.

Time did not allow us a chance to be together.
Fate did not allow us a chance to try.
Destiny wanted to bring us together and tear us apart.

But

If u know me well
U know I'm a Challenger.
A decider of my own fate.
A fighter till the clock fails me.


Being the reckless fighter i am
I'm sad to have admit that I've made mistakes in my life.

I've regretted not listening to my closest friends.
I've regretted not giving myself the chance to learn to trust.
I've regretted not being able to act like a 18 year old.
I've regretted not being able to show u the love inside me.
I've regretted all that has happen.
And that includes
Letting u go.

Endless months i told myself u will be happy.
Endless months i told myself I'll get over.
Endless months i told myself u have found love.
Endless months i told myself it's time to move on.

But

I realise that u might not be so happy.
I realise that i cant get over.
I realise that u may not have found true love.
I realise that i cant move on.

Now i know
What its like to be in love.
What its like to be in True love

The Warmth i feel when u were around me.
The Confidence i feel when u smiled at me.
The Security i feel when we hugged each other tight.
The Joy i feel when we walked hand in hand.
The Peace i feel when u lie in my arms.
Are all way back into the past.

Never in life did i have such feelings for anyone.
Never in life had i cried so much for anyone.
Never in life had i fret so much for anyone.
Never in life had i cared so much for anyone.
And by anyone, my family does not match up to u.

Maybe this is the effect of true love.
The Effect that make me place u as the most important
at that point in my life.
And still at this point of my life.

I know I may be foolish.
I may be dumb.
But before i'm out,
I wanna give it all out.

So here my girl, this is for u.
The tears u shed
eases the pain.
For the pain in my heart,
is fading away.

The hopes that we had,
were not just the past.
For the hopes that we had,
is still in my heart.

The feelings inside,
has always been deep.
But since u've been gone,
it's deeper den deep.

Here i am,
still fearing inside.
Hoping one day,
U'll just come inside.

Touching my heart,
loving me still.
For its me to u.
I really love you.

I know what i said yesterday was tough.
But i just did not want anything bad to happen to you.
Hope u do know why i wanted to do that.

I'm really trying my best to make sure i dun make another mistake.
I trying my best, to do all i can.
To touch u again, to let u noe that i care.
To just have a chance to be part of ur life again.

And hereby i swear by the name of Tan Jian An,
that all i mentioned above are nothing but the truth.
If any of those turns out false.
Den may i suffer a horrible death


I was loving you then.
And is loving you now.
Can i walk this path with u
together again....

My 50th post

I saw a moth on my way home.. Is it my grandparents cause i believed it kinda follow me for awhile. If u are really one of my grandparents, thx for the visit. I love u even though my memories cant take me very far. But, i noe i was a great grandson to u grandpa since i came in first in kindergarden 1 and made u proud before u leave, and as for grandma, i never stopped loving u even in ur dying moments. thats why u all loved me so much!!!! *chuckles* U jus made me walked out of the misery i was feeling.. ^^ love u 2 so much..

If only.....

If only we met jus a bit later.
If only we met earlier.

If only he did not come between us.
If only he came between us 3 months later.

If only u knew how i felt deep down.
If only u hanged on to me in our darkest times.

If only i had a bit more confidence.
If only i had been a stronger person.

If only i knew what i did was a great mistake.
If only i had someone to guide me along.

If only i had shared my thoughts with u in my darkest times.
If only i had put in more effort to salvage the situations.

If only u believe i would change for u.
If only u walked this path with me.

If only we expressed our love.
If only we said "i love u" more.

If only u noe i may be the guy for u.
If only u noe u're the girl for me.

If only i had a chance.
If only i can turn back time.

If only i had a shot right now.
If only i can win u now.

If only i was yours.
If only u were mine.

If only, All these "If only(s)" are not just "If only(s)".
If only, If only~

Tan Jian An

*/edited: Just wanna know wat is going on, know wat the truth is all about. and for the record. I'm touched. U noe who u are.. =)*

Love~ Smiles is meaningless unless one cries.

(Note: this is a post that i feel is hard to understand unless u understand my way of writing. I personally feel that my style of writing sucks and the thoughts that im trying to get across to u all would be much better if i put it in a speech. HAHA.. btw, this post is kinda long since its 1481 words long inclusive of these note, the longest i've ever written i guess?)

Love.
An easy 4-letter word to spell.
A word hard to define.
A word one can't live without.

During the recent chalet, i was given the opportunity to have small private talks with my friends. Be it a few minutes long, or an hour long, i've learned that in this world, Love is not just bringing u and me together, but is also breaking people apart.

A great friend of mine broke down in front of me, showing me his weak side for the first time due to kinship. Another broke down into tears with an aching heart, for the sorrows his beloved girl is being put through. Yes, love does destroy one, but as long as one stands up firmly after the fall, many find themselves stronger to run a longer distance.

Like how i believe one has to lose something to treasure it, one den again has to feel sorrows before he can truly understand the beauty of smiles. Same goes for love, one has to feel dejected, heartbroken and what not, before he/she can truly understand the blessing he/she is being given - the blessing to love and be loved in return.

Yes, there are people out there claiming that they treasure all that they are having but the point that i am trying to point is this. Yes, u may have acknowledge ur luck or fortune that u have a great family, a great lover and a great life. But how much do u actually treasure it? how much do u noe about having wat u have?

How many of us out there actually finish our bowl of rice out there without leaving a grain of rice behind? Do u really understand the pain the famine infested countries feel and the magic this one grain of rice does?

How many of us love our parents? How many of us dare put up our hands and said we never wished for our parents to just shut the fuck up? Now how many of us have parents leaving us to fend for ourselves since our childhood memories serve us?

How many of u out there have been through a broken family? One where the mother and father no longer feels love for the other. One where the parents are divorced. One where the parents hid lies from u for years and years and u only found out the truth from a 3rd party?

How many of us actually love our life partners? How many of you have ur loved ones walked out on you when all you did was just a mistake a lilttle to big? How many have lost our loved ones realising that the one they truly love wasn't u all along? How many of u gave ur true heart out and realise wat u get back was only jus puppy love?

The point im trying to put across is, i have been thru what those whom i mentioned above have gone thru before. Some in the exact scenrio, some in a simillar one. That is why, i feel the fear they feel inside. That is why, i feel the excruciating pain inside. And that is why, i noe all they need is a little hope that gives them the courage, power and confidence to stand from this little fall. None can actually understand the pain that they are going true, unless u have been there, done that.

I mean, i can't understand the pain one feels where one loses both his/her parents at a young age and having to live the rest of their life alone. i can't understand the pain one feels when he/she have to live with either the father or mother for the rest of the life without seeing the other again for a long time. Yes i dun, but i have parents whose love for one another has vanished. The care and concern which brought them together lost somewhere in outer space. Maybe i dun feel the pain they feel, but i am able to relate to them due to where i am.
I can't understand how its like to lose someone u loved due to an accident or how its like to lose someone u loved when u dunno why u lost him/her in the first place. But i do understand how it's like to see ur loved ones heading back to the arms of their previous loved ones and how's its like to see them sad not because of u, but because of their previous partners. i noe, Devastating.

That is why, i hate people when trying to calm others down, trying to console one another use the words "i feel u" (even when the person being consoled is not me) because u FUCKING dun feel him.

Dun come running to him saying u feel him, and bringing urself to his level when u have a happy family and he does'nt. Dun come running saying u feel him when he is all out of love when his loved one has just chosen his love rival unless u had trekked this sorrow path before. Dun use "i feel u" as and when u like because sometimes, life jus dun allow us to experience every single thing in life. Just like how i can't ask a smoker to quit smoking simply because i dun smoke, unless i was a previous smoker. Just like how our mum can have us shut down our com while we are in the middle of an intense "DOTA" or "L4D" because she has not been addicted to that game.

The point of this post is not to vent my frustration towards those who have failed to make me a better person in my darkest times. (i mean, how many of u do actually have the privilege to see me in my darker moments? =x) But to state my tots on the importance of the usage of "i feel u" because if taken wrongly, one may take these words with sarcasm into it, making the situations worse.

Like how~
A millonaire will never realise the the joy of a commoner striking a $10,000 lottery.
A talented runner will never realise the joy of a 110kg man running an A for his 2.4km NAFA
A person who can sleep peacefully at night will never realise the joy an insomniac have if he is able to sleep peacefully even if its just 2 hours.
Reason? the former have never been to where the latter were.

One can never realise the importance of the love u have unless u have been out of love before in any given scenerios.

I mean yes u might have realised it and treasured love but wat im talking here is two different levels of relisation.
Knowing wat u have is one thing, Knowing wat u have because u have lost it before is another. Get it?

With this goes for the same to all of u reading this post.
Dun feel dejected because of wat u are going through. Afterall, one does not realise how lucky he or she is able to smile genuinely if they had never truly experienced sorrows before.

The sorrows that u are going thru now are going to make u enjoy the joy u'll get afterwards, ONLY if u do manage to walk to the end of ur current path.

To all those having problems in their life, dun fret, think positive and make it a learning and growing process, for me myself, is also currently having a problem that has presented itself to me during the chalet.
But im glad, for this is a test, to see whether if im matured enough to handle this problem and get wat i want in the end, or let her slip past me another time.
Im not sure, Im confused, Im kinda lost? but im sure i've grown mentally and emotionally since the last time and is able to handle this situation like how it should be handled i hope?

With that, i hope for the best, to all of u and ultimately, to me as well.

May my grandparents up in heaven grant me the wish i've made the past year. And let that incident be a blessing in disguise and the days to come be the blessing i've been waiting for.

Remember, Cry if u must since it will den make ur Smiles in time to come more enjoyable and memorable.

Afterall, A World with Smiles is no longer Meaningful without Cries.

Blue Koala for the win~~~

Weee got this fortune telling thing from fernie that jus needs our name, gender and bdae and it tells so much about us.. scary... LOLs... here goes...

Tan Jian An
06/02/1990

Blue Koala person gives an impression of being very idyllic, reminding of the times when we were running around the countryside as children.
(does not necessarily mean childish)

You are like a cotton shirt without any extravagance, and therefore, give a straight forward impression.
(i guess so?)

Nevertheless, you are rather short tempered and can act impulsively.
(i am short-tempered but i seldom show my temper.)

You tend to control your temper, but once it rises, you will act impulsively even if everyone else is opposing you.
(hah, the prove is here. lols.)

You can be open and kind to people.
(this is open for discussion. =x)

But once it is about yourself, your emotions can experience ups and downs.
(this is so true de lor, currently at my downs now. *sighs*)

If you are with someone whom you feel safe, you tend to be selfish.
(which explains my insecurities in past relationship. wait does that mean it cannot be changed? sobx =((( ah!!!! i beg to differ. lols.)

Nevertheless, your sensitivity sharpens, and your points of view is unique.
(hah, which explains why people say i'm full of bullshit.)

Although you have few weaknesses, you are good at socializing, and can have conversation taking into account time, place and occasion.
(i believe good socializing = talkative in my case, right?)

Your instinct is not strong, so you are weak on decision making, and can become self-righteous.
(this is true as i usually sit on the fence when group decisions are being made.)

You can not break friendships and promises.
(hmm, wow this is true.)

This accumulates popularity, and you will be able to carry on work in order.
(i'm a superstar.. WOOOO~)

There could be a storm coming up around the time you get to your middle ages.
(does middle age refers to 30-40s? that means i have 10 more years of calm sea only?)

But if you can overcome it, there will be greater successes waiting.
(if this is going to be true, im so gonna overcome it. eh wait, does not overcoming it refers to me ending up suicidal or unable to solve the problem?)

U see, true eh.. OMG.. and that is jus my colour for my animal, the basic traits of Koalas are....

1. Koalas need time to space out
(cant really comment on this =x)

2. Koalas can be the life of the party
(i guess this is quite true since im always making a fool of myself. lols..)

3. Koalas base a decision on whether or not it will be fun
(hah, Poly was chosen cause i noe it will be fun, NET is my current part time job cause of its lively and cheerful atmosphere. FUN - didnt noe this word will affect me this much.)

4. Koalas love warm places
(which is why i am singapore i gues?)

5. Are Koalas calculating?
(hmmmmm, im the one who usually do the borrowing, not the lending, no further comments.)

6. Koalas are good at playing tricks and not getting caught

7. Koalas are the master of the excuse
(So true la. Bet u need no comments if u noe me well enough. teehee.)

8. Koalas are suspicious
(tell me about it, anything bad that happens, its always me. haiz... sad life...)

9. Koalas won't enter competitions they will lose
(who plays to lose? not me and many others out there. lols..)

10. Koalas are oddly romantic
(ah haha, Romantic sioz... I'm a Romeo man.. =x)

And there u go, pretty true eh? haha.. alright then now its time for u to try it den..
Click me

Simply amazing how one's name and birthday tells us so much about ourselves.. Fascinating.

Chalet~~

Weeee, back from the 2nd chalet, which was PP bdae chalet, first being my class chalet with my awesome DTRM01 class.. wa haha... Anw, pp chalet was lotsa fun and laughter even though we didnt do anything much throughout the 3days2Night... =(

Well had fun catching wif Benjamin Henson Yeo Rui Xiang(i believe im right) since his 3years of disappearance from the salau scene.. lols... Also, Had laughter making a fool of Yun Rui and Siok Yi a.k.a. Chio Ga Peng and Ba Zhang respectively.. =x lols... Besides that had a great time bullying the minors there who are peiping's and yunrui's younger sister, and Junjie(not pp bf btw). An eyeopener to see pp's secondary girls clique friends, Jasmine and Shuyi. Not to forget, an enjoyable heart to heart talk times with the ah beng of all times Jun Jie(this is pp's bf) well, after knowing him deep down, u realise he is one of a kind, i guess? lols.. And last but not list, the Beachers who consist of Peiping, Weisheng, Xiaxin, Ivan, Sherman, Martin, Yongling, Shenzi, Zhengzhong, Yingting and Aloysius. yipee~~~ lols..

First night was a fucking disaster i tell you, Vomitters everywhere. LOLs... The names of those who had vomit shall not be disclosed so as to save them from public humiliation.. *eyes gleamed* lols... but i was the Maria of all times man. lols, wiping of the vomit, washing the sheets with the vomit stain, dragging and carrying the vomit, washing stained clothes, attending to the vomiting and so much more.. LOLs, i swear to myself i will die die put this part in so i will make myself look so damn good which in actual fact is the TRUTH!!! lols.. Well, nonetheless, all the drunkards had fun with the exception of 2 i guess? Guy and a Girl Respectively. haiz... Chillz... but the problems were gone soon!! i hope?

Drinking time~~


Den 2nd Night was BBQ night with lot of other guests and fun i suppose with all the fire starting, oh, speaking of fire starting, I, Tan Jian An am proud to be the official Fire starter for the BBQ of that night.. LOLS.. ok la i noe nothing much to hao lian but eh, first time i start fire dao so pro lor.. lols... And the BBQ began.. After which nothing much special happen. LOLs.. Just, pure cooking, joking, eating and drinking. LOLS...

A part of the Group~


She's the Gal~



Peiping~ Happy Bdae Si lau bu.. lols.. all the best to u and *ahem*. me? lols... joking... him la.. lols...
JunJie~ May u fucking control ur temper and be a gentleman and may u NOT walk on the path i took when i was in ur shoes.. ^^
Ivan~ To be able to do everything that we have said when we were having a bad time at the BBQ pit. Bet u noe i can do and Bet on urself u can too.
ZhengZhong~ May u beat the hell out of Anista or whoever that fucker name is u said. Beat the crap out of him!

And for all others out there, May happiness be there for u whenever, wherever u need it. Rem, no one dies a virgin, cause life's fucked up-Jeffery Ngo. Stand STRONG!!!!

MUSIC QUIZ

well got the music quiz from eds again... wa damn eds is good la, next time jus see wat his blog post, i copy paste nia.. LOLs... he post abt sch life i jiu post about sch life. he post about projects sucks,i sure do so. But, if he post abt going geylang and have a time of his life, i doubt i can post cause im very guai de.. lols..

So basically i think wat we are suppose to do is to put our mp3 player in random mode and ans the question in order, after which, play the player and the tittle of the songs will be the answer of the question. den i guess we have to establish some link with the questions and answers bah, not very sure but here goes, i hope its fun since eds said its fun.. LOL...

Describe yourself?
Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
*haha, i guess sometimes, i do feel shy or embarrassed by my actions. LOLs*

What do people feel when they're around you?
回到过去 - 周杰论
*i guess they feel nostalgic with me? I must have been a person that always provide ppl with *good* memories i guess?*

Describe your current relationship?
Moment of Truth - FM Static
*haha, will be so good if i had a relationship now la, but oh wells, i dun =(*

Where would you like to be right now?
Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin
*hah, i doubt so, but i dun mind the lying beside u part. LOLS...*

How do you feel about love?
Right Here Right Now - High School Musical
*Alamak, love song of all time la. Can u imagine, wat would happen, if we could have any dreams... LOls.. yeap, so true, love is where u are is where i should be too!!*

What is your life like?
The Little Things Give you Away - Linkin Park
*Hmmm this is a tough one i guess, life always have ups and downs.*

What would you wish for if you only had one wish?
Perfect World - Simple Plan
*hahaha, No terrorist, no Hate, no global warming, No education = perfect world ^^v*

How would you describe yourself?
No More Sorrows - Linkin Park
*weeee, i guess im a happy go lucky person bah, NO sorrows!!!!!!*

What do you look for in a girl?
Dream Big - David Cook
*So true, big boobs, super slim waistline, long legs, pretty face. afterall, wats the use in dreaming if u dun dream big. LOLS*

How do you feel today?
1234 - Plain White T's
*i guess today is a repetitive day for me bah? lols, repetitive lik 1,2,3,4. damn*

What's your life's purpose?
When I'm With You - Faber Drive
*haha, guess my life purpose its to be forever with everyone i love. friends, family, ah so many ppl i wanna be with. lols..*

What is your motto?
半兽人 - 周杰论
*wat is this suppose to mean? that sometimes we need to act as cultured beings and sometimes barbaric? well, maybe? who noes, lols..*

What do your friends think of you?
Valentine's Day - Linkin Park
*hah, I'mmmmmmmmmmmm sure i am a romantic to all my friends, though i noe, im so gonna get flamed for this.. LOLS..*

What do you think of your parents?
Save You - Simple Plan
*LOls, are they saving me? or am i saving them? -open for discussion-*

What do you think about very often?
Somewhere over the Rainbow - Jason Castaro
*i guess this means i dream too much and hallucinate way too much. Rainbows, HERE I COME!!!*

What do you think of your best friend?
Radios in Heaven - Plain White T's
*Fuck u man, i dun wan my best friend to die ok.. well if THEY(i have many best friends) do, i'll be sure to bring my singing to them in heaven!!!*

What do you think of the person you like?
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Westlife
*Holy MAMA, i guess this fits it so much, if only our hearts could be of an eclipse, but boohoo, guess not =x*

What is your life story?
In Pieces - Linkin Park
*haha, my life is in pieces of Good and Bad moments*

What do you want to be when you grow up?
最长的电影 - 周杰论
*Weee, a MOVIE STAR starring in the longest movie, i wun ask more than that. LOLS*

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park
*wa, sounds so emo, i guess when i see her, she will be the shadow in a hot day for me, makes me feel coool.. yup, tt must be it. ^^v*

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Won't Go Home Without You - Maroon 5
*haha, see if my wife drinks till she doesnt want to head home, i'll definitely dance to this.. =x*

What will play at your funeral?
倒带 - 蔡依林
*haha, ppl are so gonna miss me that they wish time will rewind? lols, im so touched.. sobx.. love u all*

Biggest fear?
The Time of My Life - David Cook
*WTF? why should i fear the peak of my life? maybe, i guess i fear for it to end. ya must be... *

Biggest secret?
Broken - Secondhand Serenade
*haha, tt's so true, even though im smiling and joking always, i'm broken inside, so pity me pls.. LOLS... im jus joking.. ^^v*

Welll thats it, the music quiz, was indeed fun. LOls, considering somethings are so coincident. LOL, thx edsmond. U guys reading this should try it too man.. GOGOGO!

American idol season 8!!

Back from stayover at fernie's house watchng movies. Well The Mist was the show we watched, brilliant masterpiece which had depth and meaning in every moment and second. The reason how humans will behave in the gravest situation we can put them in.
Put more than 2 humans in a dark room and scare the shit out of them, they'll pick sides and when that happens, u see how primitive humans can be. No matter wat, we were once from this primitive origin. A beautiful masterpiece. 9.8/10. watch it.

And im back cathing up on the american idol i've missed as they finally hit the big stage.
DAZZLING is the word. this season is arguably the best in the history of american idol. Nvr had i been impressed with so many contestants on the first episode. LOLs...
Adam Lambert, Danny Gonkey, Alexis, Megan and so much more. Power packed performance after one another. Im gonna tell u this, Simon gave so many positive remarks tat night, i almost tot he has gone bonkers. I mean, in the past season, seldom did he used the word "brilliant" or "Fantastic" on contestants on the First Big stage episode. Not to exaggerate but he actually said Adam Lambert's performance was one that was of a different league from wat he heard the entire night. Now~ there is some substance in this season right. So remember to catch it every wednesday night on channel 5. They rule! im so gonna but my money on Adam Lambert and Danny Gonkey making it to a all guys final but then again, those were actually the words from paula abdul with simon reminding her that there is still 10 weeks left to the finals.. OMG... so excited and looking forward to this season, and u guys definitely should! Just to get u going, ive found some performances by this season's contestant and let u have a feel if u missed it.

Alexis Grace - Dirty Diana


Megan Corkrey - Rockin Robbin


Danny Gokey - PYT (pretty young thing

This performance is stunning, esp the nah nah nah part.

Adam Lambert - Black and White

This is the performance that was out of the league!!!!

Now with the first week being the Michael Jackson week. Wat more can we expect. American Idol, Im so gonna fall in love with u... WEEEEEE
Sing sing sing my friends.

True~~

Finally decide to take this personality test again after seeing so many people did it, i think i did it myself b4, but aiya so bored wif work and nothing else, might as well just do it again.. lols... here goes...

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

haha, and i do realise im straightforward and this almost get me into trouble most of the time. haha efficient problem solver, maybe? need 3rd person views on this though.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Lol, romantic, hmmmm, thinks so bah? =x haha, always afraid to let the right one slip past so think of alot of ideas.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

This is so true which is why people always refer me to a flirt everytime since i fall in love so fast, FFFFUUUUCCCCKKK~~~~~ lols, its now time to slow things down again....

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

now this tells me im a flirt, lols... k la maybe im a flirt but i committed de lehz... =x wonder if i have any admirers now? lols... better not be u noe who.. bet fernie and co. noe who that person better not be. *cross fingers*

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

HAHA, fucking true, i personally believe tt the tourism diploma is a piece of bullshit since tourism sector is an industry that works only if u have working experience, the diploma only helps u get into a low ranking job to begin with. maybe a slight edge above the rest IMO.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

ya la ya la. so true, a norm job with rather steady pay will do for me, but hmmmm, if i get a chance to be working in a high position, i'll gladly take it!

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

lols, kinda true, always wanted to work at an IT Fair but always afraid that my sales figures will be the worst, so kinda lik give up hope on that good paying P/T job.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Independace is important to me but i jus cant be independent, way too bad for me la...

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

ALAMAK, do i really give good advise? lols, i do give advice la, but good or bad, up to the receiver to decide lo... but i believe i am kinda honest la... kinda.. =x


well in short, got the idea to post from edsmond cheong since i saw him commenting on every single *fortune cookie slips* so hey thx eds, got another new post le.. LOL...

its hard

Well, its isn't easy after all i guess...

Memories that are just too hard to forget...

I know i can do it, but it just take time...

Just wondering how long will it take...

And maybe how long will she take..?

Best of luck to us...

May god give a second, or rather a 3rd chance...

^^v